tomsdisch ([info]tomsdisch) wrote,
@ 2008-05-07 17:19:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend  Next Entry
Advice from On High.
Hi. I'm On High. Matt, the publicist for Tachyon, has thought I should answer any question you may have wanted to ask God, both here and on the Tachyone site. They can deal with whatever you think God may have a good handle on. If I am stumped I'll say so. But Elsa, in case you are still wondering where those keys went to, try the bottom of the laundry hamper. Then go through all the pockets of all th jeans. I know they are there!

Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>

(103 comments) - (Post a new comment)

While You're here...
[info]ehuscribbles
2008-05-07 09:40 pm UTC (link)
OMG, so do You love or hate poets for having made so many of them? And if the poets great and the small lie with Hallmark for the benefits or labor in the littles is one or the other that bad a thing? ~m

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: While You're here...
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-07 10:48 pm UTC (link)
All poetry is good, but some is only good in the light of Eternity.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Re: While You're here... - (Anonymous), 2008-05-08 02:26 pm UTC

[info]zackisaiah
2008-05-07 10:10 pm UTC (link)
Dear God,

What is your favorite species in the whole universe and why?

Your friend,

zack

(Reply to this) (Thread)
What a good question.
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-07 10:49 pm UTC (link)
The Xloti of Aldebaran 4. They'd be your favorite too, if they weren't invible to the human eye.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Re: What a good question. - (Anonymous), 2008-05-12 07:31 am UTC
Re: A definition of invible - [info]tomsdisch, 2008-05-12 01:09 pm UTC

[info]barondave
2008-05-07 10:25 pm UTC (link)
Dear G_d: Could you clarify the order of Creation? There are two different lists in Genesis, and people have died over interpretation. Please guide your humble flock.

PS: What did you do on the 8th Day?

(Reply to this) (Thread)
The Aardvarks came first.
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-07 10:52 pm UTC (link)
Then the others, in alphabetical order. Except some of the really cute ones, like the panda, wheedled their way to the head of the line. And the zebra just stood there feeling this would be his lucky day.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Re: The Aardvarks came first. - [info]elorin, 2008-05-08 05:48 pm UTC
Re: The Aardvarks came first. - (Anonymous), 2008-05-09 03:54 am UTC
Re: The Aardvarks came first. - (Anonymous), 2008-05-13 03:07 pm UTC

[info]jonathankorman
2008-05-07 11:06 pm UTC (link)
Dear God:

Many folks report that You have assigned us all a True Purpose in life. Authorities differ about what that purpose is.

If You have assigned us a True Purpose, it seems like it would make more sense if we were all just born knowing what it is.

So do either we not in fact have a True Purpose, or there's some reason for making it elusive. Could you kindly explain?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]sturgeonslawyer
2008-05-07 11:52 pm UTC (link)
And if I may follow up to Mr. Jonathankorman's question, what is my True Purpose?

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Follow. . . - [info]tomsdisch, 2008-05-08 12:02 pm UTC
Dear Johathan Koman - [info]tomsdisch, 2008-05-08 12:05 pm UTC
See Below - [info]tomsdisch, 2008-05-08 12:07 pm UTC

[info]walkingscarlet_
2008-05-07 11:27 pm UTC (link)
Who are you more proud of: Bach, Mozart, or Beethoven?

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Bach and Beethoven are tied.
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 12:00 pm UTC (link)
But for a dinner companion Mozart every time.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]crowleycrow
2008-05-08 01:32 am UTC (link)
Looks like the real hard ones are being left unanswered, Sir, as ever. Here's the other one: what about this Existence of Evil thing? Always wanted to ask. A bunch of nice people get together in church to sing Thy praises and the roof falls in and kills them. ANd that's not the half of it -- as You surely know.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Remember!
[info]walkingscarlet_
2008-05-08 06:10 am UTC (link)
No one likes a spoil-sport!

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Re: Forget! - [info]tomsdisch, 2008-05-08 11:54 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kevin143, 2008-05-08 09:17 am UTC
I am - [info]tomsdisch, 2008-05-08 11:54 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]crowleycrow, 2008-05-08 12:17 pm UTC
Evil thing? - [info]tomsdisch, 2008-05-08 11:59 am UTC
Re: Evil thing? - [info]crowleycrow, 2008-05-08 12:10 pm UTC
Re: Evil thing? - [info]tomsdisch, 2008-05-08 12:40 pm UTC
Omnicience called into question - (Anonymous), 2008-05-08 02:23 pm UTC

[info]phaseolus
2008-05-08 04:02 am UTC (link)
God,

Can you run time backwards to, say, 1990 so I can avoid the crappy jobs I've had and find a less crazy spouse?

Thanks in advance.

p.s. Sorry about the whole disbelief thing

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Take care.
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 11:47 am UTC (link)
1900 will be a bad year for you if you ever manage to get there. As to the spouse, accept her craziness as a higher kind of wisdom and do whatever she tell you to--and then kiss her.

As to disbelief, mach's nicht. Sometimes I dislieve in myself Myself.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]anselmo_b
2008-05-08 07:03 am UTC (link)
Tell me oh one whose name shan't be spoken, why do you blind smart people with the pride of their knowledge that they may turn their sinful backs on you? What are you hiding from them?

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Behold
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 11:51 am UTC (link)
The Veil shall be removed from the box of Chocolates
You must eat all of them, and your pride shall be no more.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Two questions
(Anonymous)
2008-05-08 09:01 am UTC (link)
Two questions: Why relativity? And why turbulence?

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Two questions
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 11:35 am UTC (link)
One answer: why not.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Why oh Why
(Anonymous)
2008-05-08 09:06 am UTC (link)
Can you prove you exist oh big one - are you really god or some cool space alien or just a figment of my imagination ? Is there life after this ? Why does life suck ? Where are you ? What is my purpose ? What is the real answer to existence ? What is the essential question ? Can you explain WHY ???????

AJF

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Why oh Why
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 11:34 am UTC (link)
I am that I am. Nuff said?

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Why not use that Wrath occasionally?
(Anonymous)
2008-05-08 09:12 am UTC (link)
Dear Supreme Being:
There are some people (and You know who they are) who richly deserve to be hit by your Wrath. So why not?

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Why not use that Wrath occasionally?
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 11:33 am UTC (link)
At last you are coming to see! That is a job I have reserved for you. Begin with those Generals in Burma. And stop calling it Myanmar! When you are state-side again I'll have a longer list.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Anonymous)
2008-05-08 09:48 am UTC (link)
Why don't I believe in you?

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Always looking for reasons!
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 11:31 am UTC (link)
Just accept me as I am, omnipotence and all.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]contentlove
2008-05-08 12:13 pm UTC (link)
Dear God,

WHY?

Sincerely,
Content Love Knowles

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Could you elaborate?
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 12:48 pm UTC (link)
.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Re: Could you elaborate? - [info]troutwaxer, 2008-05-08 01:33 pm UTC
The most important question
(Anonymous)
2008-05-08 12:22 pm UTC (link)
Thank you for the hedgehog and the barn owl. But why - WHY? - the duckbill platypus?
C.E.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: The most important rhetorical question
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 12:43 pm UTC (link)
Have you ever kissed a duckbill platpus? Compare that to the kiss of any hedgegot and you've got the answer.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Re: The most important rhetorical question - [info]shandrew, 2008-05-12 08:54 am UTC
Re: The most important rhetorical question - [info]tomsdisch, 2008-05-12 01:28 pm UTC

(Anonymous)
2008-05-08 12:38 pm UTC (link)
Dear God,

Who would in a fight? You... or Chuck Norris?

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2008-05-08 12:39 pm UTC (link)
hmm apparently asking questions to the creator of all things made me nervous. Obviously the word 'win' should be inserted in the above question.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Chuck and I
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 12:46 pm UTC (link)
We're old buddies. I dn't think he could bring himself to tangle with me. But I have sparred with Charles Bronson and he didn't last three rounds. And I was pulling my punches.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2008-05-08 12:50 pm UTC
Of God's gone by...
(Anonymous)
2008-05-08 12:48 pm UTC (link)
...Any chance of reconciliation with Zeus and the gang? They had that whole departmentalisation and delegation of responsibility thing down to an art, and with the pile of prayers you must receive daily, wouldn't their input just make life (the universe, everything, etc. ) that bit easier?

What happened to them anyway? Mount Olympus was a littered tourist spot last time I looked.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
The Gods of Olympus
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 02:38 pm UTC (link)
They are here with me much of the time. They don't do much work these days. Not since they discovered the advantages of a Mechanical Universe and Cruise Control. Apollo still takes his Sun out for a drive (I've gone along for the ride a couple times) but from down here you wouldn't know we were On High.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
application for species change
(Anonymous)
2008-05-08 12:53 pm UTC (link)
Dude, I am SO tired of being a human. Where do I apply to be a rosemary plant instead? Smells good all the time. Never wants sex. Thrives on sun & neglect. I would especially appreciate being assigned to some nice hillside in southern California.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: application for species change
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 02:46 pm UTC (link)
Oh dear. I think you need some Therapy. Which isn't my forte, really. The thing is, "Rosemary," you were never meant to be an aromatic herb. In your next life, you're fated to be a rhinoceros. Sorry, but it's already predestined.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Re: application for species change - (Anonymous), 2008-05-08 02:59 pm UTC
Re: application for species change - (Anonymous), 2008-05-08 03:44 pm UTC
Which One?
[info]irisclara
2008-05-08 02:11 pm UTC (link)
My friend wants to know which religion he should follow. I told him I didn't think it would matter. Was I right or is there One True Faith?

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Which One?
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 02:49 pm UTC (link)
You're asking God which religion to follow! Can there be any doubt? Kneel down right now and sing a Pledge of Allegiance! Or "Visse d'arte" if you have all the top notes. Doesn't matter! Heavens.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Who WOULD?
(Anonymous)
2008-05-08 02:19 pm UTC (link)
"But since we're on the topic - 'who WOULD in a fight?'"

Oh that one is easy: Mahatma Ghandi of course.

(Reply to this)

Syndication
[info]chrisdagy
2008-05-08 02:32 pm UTC (link)
With all this attention you're receiving lately, have you given any thought to a syndicated advice column (which could be structured much like this thread?) I know you don't need the money, but the exposure wouldn't hurt.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Syndication
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 02:51 pm UTC (link)
It does seem to come naturally. Are you a sindicator, or in touch with one. Barkis' is willin'.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Dear You Know Who
[info]curseyoukhan
2008-05-08 02:59 pm UTC (link)
does form follow function or does function follow form?

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Dear You Know Who
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 03:51 pm UTC (link)
The man always leads. However, if they both turn out to be gay, it's a toss-up.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Dear God
[info]leprosy
2008-05-08 03:22 pm UTC (link)
Please heal either me or my blog.

kthxbai!

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Dear God
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 04:16 pm UTC (link)
Arise and play soccer! You are healed.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Format
(Anonymous)
2008-05-08 03:42 pm UTC (link)
I don't like the new, labor-intensive format Live Journal has imposed. How about continuing your celestial advice-giving, but allowing only, say, a dozen or twenty questions before you begin again? It would be, "Advice from On High," then "Advice from On High II," etc. And don't post anything on other subjects until you have several Advice threads. Would that work?

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Format
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 03:54 pm UTC (link)
I was having the same thought. I never expected such a large and rapid response. God is well-pleased as by the sacrifice of many doves. So I'm off instanter to Advice from On High II.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Re: Format - (Anonymous), 2008-05-08 04:11 pm UTC

[info]shane
2008-05-08 03:53 pm UTC (link)
Dearest G-d,

Does it bother you that I do it with dudes? Be honest.

Shaner

(Reply to this) (Thread)
No, but
[info]tomsdisch
2008-05-08 04:18 pm UTC (link)
You better be careful if you do it with the Giants in the Earth. They can play pretty rough.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(103 comments) - (Post a new comment)

Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>

Create an Account
Forgot your login or password?
Login w/ OpenID
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…